Your Face is Annoying

This is a real question. Can someone's face be a pet peeve? I'm like 90% sure it can be. When I see certain faces I instantly get mad and then I am in a bad mood. I don't even have to physically see the person. Their awesome new profile picture can just pop up on Facebook and I hate life. Now, I know there is usually a deeper disdain beyond just their face, but I like to think that I'm such a big bitch that I hate them solely based on their face.

Speaking of pet peeves let me list some for you:

You're vs. Your: When I see people posting this grammatical travesty on every social media site I get angry. Not just your run of the mill "Oh, that's annoying" angry, more like "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! YOU ARE AN ADULT AND YOU ARE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD. IT'S NOT A HARD CONCEPT YOU'RE = YOU ARE AND YOUR = POSSESSIVE." Then I usually unfriend the person because harboring that much anger is not healthy.

Slow People at Costco: This is something that makes me so incredibly annoyed. I live in an area full of old people and they are all at Costco all the time. It doesn't matter if it's 9:00 on a Tuesday morning or 8:00pm on Friday night. They are there... walking slowly... in the middle of everything. I want to run them over or just push them out of the way, but I don't. Mostly because I don't want them to take away my Costco card. I enjoy the really large container of pickles for $5.00.  F-off old people, let's create a schedule of when you can and can't go to Costco. I'll even call you and let you know that I am on my way, but consider this a warning that I might break your hip if you get in my way.

Nose Rings: Just kidding, this doesn't annoy me because I have one. What does annoy me is when people are like "OMG, you have a nose ring AND you're a teacher?" Yeah, I also have tattoos and have almost finished my Master's Degree, weird right?  Having a nose ring, red hair and tattoos doesn't change who I am as an educator, it just makes your husband think that I am hotter than you with your boring brown hair, crappy eyebrows and Amish looking wardrobe. Instead of worrying about my nose ring maybe you should just look better.

Well, that's enough ranting for today. I hope you had a decent weekend and are ready to deal with society again tomorrow. Stupid people are everywhere so you better drink lots of coffee and take a couple Xanax before you get to work tomorrow.

Hugs & Shit,
Victoria

Food & Shit

Well, I am trying to get organized and healthy and guess what? It's fucking HARD! I have learned that I much prefer to go out and drink beer and eat wings instead of eating grilled chicken and vegetables. DUH, who wouldn't? I was doing really well and then the dogs had to ruin my life so I basically ate my emotions all through the month of June and then just decided to eat and drink my way through Europe. I fell off the fucking wagon and now I need to figure this shit out cause my pants aren't going to fit soon and I'll have no friends. I started posting my food prep on Facebook and now people are asking me tons of questions about it so I'm going to break it down for you. Keep in mind that I'm not a nutritionist or a trainer so I can't tell you what is going to work for your body and honestly I don't give a shit what works for you. Do some research and figure it out on your own.

PLAN AHEAD!
Fail to plan, plan to fail or some shit like that. YOU HAVE TO DO THIS! I do it the old school way. I pull out my local grocery ads on Wednesday and circle all the shit that I want to buy that is on sale. Then, since I'm a broke ass teacher, I see who has the good deals and I make lists. I FUCKING LOVE LISTS! Then for the next couple days I figure out what I'm actually going to do with all the food I buy. Find some recipes and figure out all the shit you need and add them to your list.

GO BUY ALL THE NOMS
I am lucky enough to have four grocery stores in a mile radius of my house so I go to all of them. I spend about as much time at all four places as I used to at one store. You know why? LISTS! I'm telling you, they kick ass. I try and hit them all in less than an hour and just power shop and run over the elderly with my cart while haling Satan and chugging whiskey. Just kidding, I don't do that, but it sounds fun. I go on Sunday when all the believers are in church. The picture above shows what I bought today. I spent $104 and saved $74. Here's a tip, when meat is on sale stock the fuck up on that shit!

GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GET TO WORK
You need to have lots of containers. Can I tell you how much I love containers? Mason jars, Tupperware, shit from Dollar Tree... they make me happy. First, I open a beer and normally start by cutting up my fruits and veggies. I make my breakfast smoothie freezer packs and my mason jar salads first because they are quick and easy. Calm the fuck down, I will include some recipes at the bottom. Then I figure out my protein and get that shit cooking. I don't have a real grill because I'm terrified of burning down my dry ass pine trees in the backyard, so I use a grill pan and it works fine. I am a cheater and use the frozen veggie steamer packs for my lunch veggies. It's easier than cutting up a bunch of shit and I don't have a steamer. I usually heat up 3 packages of veggies and that gives me a little over a cup of cooked veggies for my lunches. I also cut up extra fruit and veggies to have on hand for snacks for those "I'M HANGRY" moments. 

PACK IT & DRINK ANOTHER BEER
Shit, you're already almost done. Pack up that shit in your handy dandy containers and put that shit in the fridge. Then look at the giant disaster that is your kitchen and drink another beer. Then go look in your fridge again and smile because you just killed food prep and you might be a little drunk.

Here's what I make...

- Breakfast: Frozen Smoothie Packs (I add protein powder when I blend that shit up so I can get buff) If you don't want to freeze your smoothies here's a link to like a million different kinds.
- Morning Snack Ideas: mixed berries, greek yogurt, string cheese, hard boiled egg, protein bar, whatever you want to put in your mouth as long as it isn't chips, soda, tacos, pizza, or anything else that makes you happy.
- Lunch: 4 oz lean protein, 1+ cup cooked veggies, 1/2 cup fruit, mason jar salad with a shit ton of veggies and a complex carb if you want (rice, potatoes, beans, bread)
- Afternoon Snack Idea: veggies, hummus, hard boiled egg, grilled chicken, almonds, berries
- Pre-Gym: Pure Protein Shake (I get them from Costco and they have 30g of protein and are low on calories)
- Post-Gym: Eat fucking dinner... I haven't really mastered the art of being that organized for dinner yet so I'll get back to you when I figure it out.

OH YEAH, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: DRINKING A SHIT TON OF WATER!

If you're on the fence about being OCD about your food then stop being a bitch and give it a try! You'll probably be crabby for a couple days but soon you'll feel better and then you can make all your friends feel guilty for not being as awesome and organized as you! If you try it and feel like it helped you then comment and let me know. If you try it and hate it then I don't really give a shit, you didn't try hard enough. 

Hugs & Shit, 

Victoria